Kid's (Parents) Say the Darndest Things

Moments from this year's "Letters to Santa":

"I want a rifle, a shotgun, a bulldozer, and a tractor...Please bring my mom an ice scraper that reaches all the way across her windshield." --Jacob, 6 (Ahh, northern PA...)

"I would like a rifle, a new BB gun, dinosaurs, and a pistol. Please bring my daddy a new rifle and a handle for the bathroom door." --Luke, 4(!!)

"Can you get me an Iguana leash for my Iguana? A new light for my Iguana cage? Plus new computer parts for my computer?" --Julia, 9 (And some soap for my house's HUNDRED BAFROOMS???)

"This year for Christmas I would like Jonas Brothers stuff. I would really like the Jonas brothers themselves, but I understand if you can't." --Mallory, 6 (Don't worry, kid, trafficking is still perfectly legal in the North Pole. Just don't forget to open the box early on Christmas.)

"Please bring medicine to make my Grandpa all better. Then maybe his hair will grow back and he won't look like Daddy anymore." --Blaise, 6 months (6 months? Sorry, not buying it.)

"I be little bit good, little bad. I still need 2 make-ups. I want lots of presidents! Lots of candy, I want babies (??) and new house for Grandma mother and Buddy biscuits and buddy teeth! Buddy, Unky Todd's dog. I will leave saucy noodles for you and candy canes for reindeers. I love you, come see my pretty lights." --Jaiden, 4 (Engrish kid is Engrish?)

" I would like Indiana Jones Leggoz game, Bat-man Leggo game, and Star Wars 2 leggo game." --Bradley (You deserve neither Batman nor lego anything. Or, if your parents wrote it, they don't deserve a kid who likes Batman or lego anything.)

"All I want a 12 guage shotgun and a 22 semiautomatic. I want a 4 wheeler." --Caleb, 4th grade (You might be a...no, it's too obvious.)

"I hope ****everyone has a good christmas..." --Gage (Watch your language, Gage!)

"I will leave some cookies and food for the reindeer. P.S. you can take my dad's mountain dew" --Hunter (COAL. Nothing but COAL for this guy.)

"I would like the Halo 3 game for xbox 360." --Braxton, 3 (Well played, Dad. The "kid" wants it. Sure.)

Santa's got the best job ever. Reading all of these hilarious letters, stamping every one of them with NAUGHTY (gogo Total Depravity), shoving them in the shredder, and taking a long winter's nap.