A Battle of Destinies...

In light of the previous post, I must needs present my opinions on a common debate. A war is going on with no neutral sides. No one may stand by the sidelines or try to ignore the fight. And the issue is this--Pirates or Ninjas?
Now though I cannot claim full neutrality, I shall try to present points for both sides in this post. I myself hold the Pirate side, but the Ninja side certainly has merit that cannot be ignored. Some points would seem to give automatic victory, but these exist on both sides, making the fight an endless stalemate.

Points for the Ninja side--

• Ninjas are stealthy--the Pirates wouldn't see them.
• Ninjas are quick--the Pirates couldn't hit them.
• Ninjas are masters of life and death--it takes great effort to kill them, and they still seem to show up afterwards.
• Ninjas can fight with anything around them--everything is a weapon.
• Ninjas often have supernatural abilities.

Points for the Pirate side--

• Pirates are shifty--you can't trust them.
• Pirates are seaworthy--no one can best them on the open sea.
• Pirates have guns. Enough said.
• Pirates hold to no code of honor--they will do anything to get what they want.
• Pirates have pirate songs. And rum.

But like a certain popular toy, there is more to this debate than meets the eye. Where did it come from? Why would Pirates and Ninjas fight, and why is the question so important? Probably the main source of the conflict is the similarity of the two groups. They fight because they are just like each other, in their respective cultures. Both are often motivated by greed and treacherous. Both can be used effectively as mercenaries. Both are popular at birthday parties.

Before one can go any further, one must recognize the vagueness of the terms "pirate" and "ninja". Pirates can be seafaring scalawags, or those who sell movies and songs illegally. Ninjas are even more diverse. The first ninjas were peasants who trained to fight the better armed armies of the samurai, at least according to Mythbusters. But we're talking about fictional ninjas here. Some are members of elite orders that train high up on mountains in an attempt to achiever perfection. Some are mercenaries, or rebels. Some are modern-day thieves (usually art thieves) or assassins who do not mind using modern weapons. In any case, there are certain traits that fictional pirates and ninjas must have.

Pirates--

• must be scalawags.
• must speak in pirate talk.
• must plunder, pillage, and raid.
• must be treacherous.
• must use swords (may also use guns and cannons)

Ninjas--

• must use unorthodox fighting techniques.
• must not be afraid to kill, even the defenseless and the unarmed.
• must use a variety of weapons.
• must be silent and unseen.
• must be Asian.

With these facts in mind, one can finally decide who wins in the conflict of Pirate vs. Ninja. And then he must wrestle with the next epic question--Vikings or Indians? Spartans or Mongols? Batman or Dr. Doom? . . .