The Request

The service is almost over. I didn't hear a word the preacher said tonight--all I could think about was my request. The time for sharing requests has come--but should I?

Lots of requests tonight. Hopefully they will keep thinking of more, preventing silence and stalling time before the pastor starts the prayer time. Not that more time would help. I just can't make a decision.

I know I can't beat this on my own--I need God's help and prayer holding me up. But I can't tell my friends. I sure can't tell my parents. Maybe I should just call it an unspoken...

Prayer requests keep coming in. Someone went to the hospital, someone's mother isn't doing well. They need that job, their car needs fixed. The same requests as always pour in, and everyone is willing to pray because they know God cares. But my request doesn't belong here. It's not the same as the others.

You don't have to say the word porn. Just say you're struggling with lust. God will know, and you need their prayers.

But Christians don't struggle with lust. Or at least, only new ones or carnal ones. Not these people. These people's struggles are physical--they've gotten past the spiritual battles. And they see me that way too. I was raised in a Christian home. I went to Christian school. I can't have these problems. If I did, they would be heartbroken, disillusioned. No, it's not for my pride that I won't bring up. It's for their sake. I can't ruin the image they have of me.

The teen in the pew doesn't know the man behind him. The two know each other superficially--one as a youth leader, and the other his student. He doesn't know that this man, too, struggled with lust. That he left a young girl pregnant fifteen years ago. No, the youth leader says. They don't need to know that. They're good kids--none of them will struggle as I did. Besides, you don't bring that kind of thing up at church. You talk about God's provision and comfort in hard times. But you don't talk about temptation. What the man doesn't realize is, he's not only hurting himself by keeping his past locked inside. He's hurting the teen who could learn from his mistakes. But neither one speaks...and both lose out.

Requests are over now. The pastor asks if anyone has any praises--testimonies of God's goodness this past week. A woman decides if she should share. Yesterday was the ten-year anniversary of her husband's death. It had been hard, but prayer had brought her through the day, and she was still able to rejoice in the Lord.

But as she heard the praises, she was discouraged. Someone found their lost keys. Someone was out of the hospital. Someone had avoided a car accident. Important things to be thankful for, but something people could say Amen to and forget. Hers wasn't like that. She couldn't bring up death in praise time. She didn't want to depress everyone or feel like she was asking for pity.

So she kept quiet. She didn't know that right behind her was a girl who lost her grandfather and needed hope, a girl who thought her problem was unique. Neither woman speaks for fear of breaking the happy mood--and both leave thinking no one else has the same problem they do.

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the heart again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

--Casting Crowns--"Stained Glass Masquerade"