Why Can't We Be Friends?

In chapel today Dr. Anderson made the comment that we live in a fractured culture. He made this comment in reference to the generation gap, but it got me thinking about the idea of a broken society. Has our culture broken itself? Does it undo the very ideals it is trying to achieve?

Look out For Number One
One of our chief "virtues" in America is independence. The day most people equate with patriotism is Independence Day. We frown at the collectivism the Chinese displayed in the Olympic ceremonies. Many still consider our greatest enemy to be communism. (Communism is a very flawed idea, to be sure, but mainly because it is too perfect. Such an ideal is not possible, though if it were it may be sound.) But Americans think the problem with communism is simply the fact that everyone looks out for each other instead of themselves. We cannot grasp the concept of caring more for the group than the individual. This thought scares us--if we start seeing our communities as more important than ourselves, we will become mindless Borg.

Individualism Brings Isolation
What has this mindset achieved? What is the result of unbridled individualism? This brings us back to the fracturing of society. It is my opinion that our individualism has brought us only isolation. We try to be our own people--and in the end that is all we are.

Consider the counter cultures for a minute. A Goth teen will say that he is tired of doing what everyone else is doing--he will be his own person. But in the end he is just like every other Goth. Though he claims he doesn't need support, in reality he simply goes elsewhere--to a counter culture--to find it.

Everybody... Needs Somebody...Sometimes...
In this way many Americans don't seem to realize how much they need companionship. We think we can do it all on our own--and the solution to all of our problems is to separate more and more from those we are dependent on. This has led to the degradation of an important part of society--Friendship.

Take, for example, the way people look at brotherly love. It is not acceptable in our culture for two guys to hug or say they love each other without bad connotations. People watch Lord of the Rings and immediately think Frodo and Sam are gay because they have a true friendship. Two guys can only be friends in the capacity of hanging out and having fun--but imply that they care about each other and assumptions are made. The same thing happens with a guy and a girl who are genuinely "just friends."

I think a lot of this has to do with our "me" mentality about friends. I have friends because they do something for me--provide enjoyment or amusement, or for the sake of romance. Once a friendship stops benefiting me, I end it. And in a paradoxical way, when you reach that point, friendships don't benefit at all.

I think this is specially true among guys. I have the blessing of great Christian friends. But it is still awkward sometimes to talk about something serious with a friend with whom you joke around a lot. Now that I know my friends very well, I can switch from Chuck Norris jokes to discussing temptation or struggles with sin. But for many this is not easy.

Why have we become so awkward about discussing our feelings with each other? Why is it so hard to rely on a friend and trust them with private information? Maybe it is because we wouldn't want to hear our friends bare their souls to us. A friendship needs to be for the sake of our friend, not ourselves. Only then can we truly benefit from the friendship, and have a deeper relationship than discussing whether Batman would beat Jackie Chan in a fight.

I don't presume to be a scholar of social trends, but it seems to me that our friendships have become more selfish and superficial, and by focusing so much on ourselves we are hurting not only potential friends, but ourselves as well. Fellowship is a foundation of Christian living, and our nation truly is lost if we have forgotten how to make friends.